Appetite for Destruction

Tupperware piece No. 3: Rock 'N Serve Divided Dish Contents: tri-color Jell-O (lime, raspberry and lime-raspberry) Distance: 30-40 feet Weaponry: various, numerous

Everyone thought this piece of Tupperware had been punctured almost immediately, with Gale and Maclanahan firing at it using their own shotguns from about 40 feet. This was incorrect. It had been compromised, certainly. But the first splattering of Jell-O signaled nothing but the displacement of the lid and the container becoming airborne. So the artists fired some more, and then the piece looked really obliterated. But once again, a closer inspection revealed that the Tupperware had held up better than anyone expected. The container showed evidence of buckshot lodged inside it (which caused many a face to light up) and numerous cracks but no clean holes.

Then the group started gunning the damned Jell-O from 30 feet. Already compromised, the Tupperware was finally punctured cleanly, and Jell-O, instead of splattering globules, oozed slowly from the hole in a rather grotesque manner. The red Jell-O, green Jell-O and combined Jell-O (now brown) swirled together, looking wholly unappetizing. This piece, everyone agreed, was the most bulletproof in the set. (Though, when considering practical applications of the concept of bulletproof, we'd like to remind readers that relatively bulletproof might not cut it.)

Tupperware piece No. 4: Rock 'N Serve Medium Shallow Contents: raspberry Jell-O Distance: not far at all Weaponry: bow and arrow

Gale piped up with the suggestion that the Tupperware face an old-fashioned foe: the bow and arrow. One of Gale's friends happened to stop by with a super-high-tech archery set. This was this man's weapon of choice when hunting. He liked it because it required yogilike concentration that aligned body and mind. And because it was cool as shit. With a fiber-optic viewfinder, a sharp metal dagger of a tip and glow-in-the-dark parts, this was the archery set of the future. It also kicked butt against the Rock 'N Serve. The first arrow went straight through both sides of the Medium Shallow dish. Incredibly enough, though, the plasticlike material in the Tupperware sealed back up around the arrow. NO JELL-O SPILLED OUT OF THE CONTAINER!

Had this dish been pierced by an arrow in someone's kitchen, the contents would have been safe, and there would have been no messy cleanup. The attacker also would have been out an arrow. It is really hard to get an arrow back out of this particular container, given the Tupperware's sealing properties. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Tupperware piece No. 5: Rock 'N Serve Medium Shallow Contents: raspberry Jell-O Method of attack: skeet shooting

As soon as Gale ran to get the skeet shooter from the shed and started teaching people how to use it, the outdoor fun began to feel like playing a video game — back when video games encouraged players to shoot things other than pedestrians. Even the gentle, nongun-wielding Düvenci and Moré started shooting with joy. And so originated the idea for how to make the most of the last piece of Tupperware: Throw it in the air. Shoot it midflight.

Everyone stood in a semicircle and fired at the flying Jell-O. On the first throw, the Tupperware was punctured but not obliterated. By now, however, puncturing the Tupperware just wasn't good enough. Jell-O. Must. Splatter.

Pitch photographer Luke Echterling had some duct tape in his truck, and that was used to cover the hole so that everyone could shoot the Tupperware some more. On the second throw, heavier ammo was used and the Tupperware blew to pieces, leaving a scattering of red Jell-O on tall blades of grass blowing in the country breeze. Everyone clapped and cheered.

"Did you get all that Tupperware shot?" Gale's Grandma Ruby asked when everyone went inside for lunch.

Yes, they answered proudly. Yes. Yes, we did. We got all that Tupperware shot.

Back at Tupperware headquarters, head engineer David Kosuma told us that Tupperware isn't intended to be bulletproof.

Regarding the fact that the company had used polycarbonate for the construction of its Rock 'N Serve line, Kosuma said, "Our criteria was to meet the specifications of a lifetime warranty."

Could the Tupperware that was shot up by the artists be returned under said specifications?

"If you returned the Tupperware you had shot," he answered, "my guess is that would be considered an abuse beyond normal use. Normal use would be for food."

Sounds like David Kosuma doesn't know many Midwestern artists.